


Confessions

by theholyholtby



Category: Shetland (TV)
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Post-Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 07:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18655426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theholyholtby/pseuds/theholyholtby
Summary: A knock on the door pulled Jimmy out of his thoughts. Expecting it to be Cassie, he was caught slightly off-guard to see Tosh standing on his doorstep when he opened it."Tosh? Is everything alright?" he asked."I just wanted t' talk. Can I come in?"Everyone has confessions. It was about time Jimmy and Tosh made theirs.





	Confessions

The house was quiet with only Jimmy in it. Cassie was still out with Duncan, which didn't surprise Jimmy. There was a lot to sort out amongst his odd little family in Shetland, and he wasn't going to expect it to be done in half an hour. But the house felt empty, as it always did when he was in it alone, opening the hole in Jimmy that had appeared after Fran had passed.

A knock on the door pulled Jimmy out of his thoughts. Expecting it to be Cassie, he was caught slightly off-guard to see Tosh standing on his doorstep when he opened it.

"Tosh? Is everything alright?" he asked.

"I just wanted t' talk. Can I come in?"

Jimmy stepped aside to allow Tosh room to enter his home. She brushed past him and he followed her in, door closing behind him. Tosh had sat on one of the stools around his counter, her eyes focused elsewhere, staring out his window into the distance.

"Do ye want a cuppa?" he asked, bringing her focus back into the present as he boiled some water in the kettle.

She shook her head, as though she was afraid to speak out loud, her fingers intertwining on the bench and holding tight, making white spots appear where her fingers touched her hands.

Jimmy let the silence lie between them as he finished making the tea, not wanting to force her to speak, to give her the choice to wait if she wasn't ready. She was still fragile and small after what had happened; not in danger of breaking, no, but she still needed to be treated with care.

He finished making the tea, but the silence stayed solid. Jimmy took a breath and broke it.

"What was it ye wanted to talk about, Tosh?"

His voice broke Tosh out of her reverie and she looked up at him, eyes wide yet closed, an emptiness lurking behind them. Jimmy once again felt a spike of anger at the person that did this, that had taken the bright, young detective she had been and made her into this, a shell of what she once was, fragile and distant. She was recovering, because she was strong, despite everything, but it was taking time, and Jimmy could do nothing.

Her wide eyes blinked a few times, followed by a sigh, but Jimmy knew she was ready to speak as some light filled her eyes.

"I said to Thomas Malone, just before he passed, to not let fear, resentment, and anger rule his life," Tosh said, voice quavering only a little, "and I've realised I haven't been following m' own advice."

Words pushed their way up Jimmy's throat, comforting and sympathetic words, because what happened was traumatic, and she shouldn't beat herself up for not recovering yet. Tosh must've seen Jimmy open his mouth because she raised her hand, signalling for him close his mouth, and continued.

"I know it's not going to be easy, Jimmy. I still find it hard t' trust new people, sometimes even people I knew before it happened.

"But with Lars, even before we knew what he was, I realised it was more than just having issues with trust stopping me feeling comfortable moving into a relationship."

She paused there, taking a moment to run her pale hands down her face, her expression serious as she placed her hands back on the counter. Jimmy moved around the counter to seat himself next to her, hoping he could provide some sort of comfort, to make it easier for her to share what was on her mind.

“There’s someone else that I want t’ be with, I think I always have,” Tosh said, staring at her hands.

“Have ye told them that?” Jimmy asked, though he felt like he knew the answer already.

“No, they don’t know. I want t’ tell them. I don’t want to let m’ fear of what’ll happen if I do stop me. But it’s hard t’ stop that.”

“Have ye got an idea of when you’re going ta tell them?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah, I do,” she said quietly.

Tosh finally looked up from her hands, facing him. Her expression was raw, the depths of her eyes betraying feelings that Jimmy had never realised she had felt. His heartbeat increased, pounding hard against his ribcage. He knew what was coming next; it didn’t take being a good detective to realise. A battle waged in his heart and mind. Did he feel the same way? This was Tosh, someone he had brought through the ranks, someone he had taught all he knew.

All conflict left him when Tosh’s eyes fluttered shut and she started to lean in. He followed her lead, closing his own eyes and leaning down to meet her halfway. His warm lips met hers, still cold from the chill outside. Tosh wrapped her arms around his neck, and Jimmy’s own hands dropped to her waist. A part of him wondered whether he should do this, but her lips were still pressed on his, tasting of tea, curry and lip balm, things that shouldn’t mix together but were good anyway, and he couldn’t stop it now.

In fact, it was Tosh that broke it apart, pulling away, her breath hitched. Her arms slipped down from his neck, her fingers trailing across his skin, sending shivers down Jimmy’s spine. He pulled his hands away from her waist, awkwardly putting them by his sides, unsure what to do with them.

They were still close to each other. Jimmy’s heart was still pounding, battering against his ribcage. He thought he could hear Tosh’s doing the same. It was the only noise either of them was making, otherwise the silence had returned between them, thick and heavy, lying unbroken.

Jimmy met Tosh’s gaze and realised they were watery, building with tears. He couldn’t tell what emotion was behind her eyes, whether it was relief, pain, regret. He tried to think of what to say, but nothing came into his head. He’d never been good with talking through emotions, and he cursed himself for it.

Tosh pulled away from him and stood up, pulling her coat tight around her. She walked to the door, turning back to Jimmy before he could ask anything.

“I’m sorry,” she said, turning around and leaving his home, several tears glinting in the kitchen light.

“Tosh!” Jimmy called, but it was too late. She had disappeared into the Shetland night, leaving Jimmy standing on his doorstep, wondering what had gone wrong.

*******

Jimmy was surprised to see Tosh already at her desk when he arrived at the station in the morning. She didn’t look up as Sandy greeted him, focusing on her computer monitor. Jimmy didn’t say anything to her. He sat at his own desk, dreading the paperwork related to Thomas Malone that he was going to have to fill out.

The day did not take long to pass, despite all the paperwork Jimmy had to fill out. Before he knew it, Sandy and Billy had put on their coats and said a quick goodbye, heading home for the evening, leaving only Jimmy and Tosh at their desks.

Jimmy put on his coat and made to leave. However, he noticed Tosh’s eyes flick up to him, before dropping back down to a report of some variety. In the instant, he could see what looked like worry in her eyes, and he realised that she must fear what his reaction to last night might be. He let out a long breath, knowing that he had to talk to her.

“Tosh, a word?” he said, and it is a question, because he has always asked, never wanting to force Tosh into any situation she doesn’t want to be part of.

She quickly looked back at him, studying his face. Jimmy tried to look as casual as possible, not wanting to scare her away or make her uncomfortable. Her gaze dropped back to the paperwork in front of her, and her shoulders raised then dropped as she let out a sigh.

“Okay,” she said in a quiet voice.

“I don’t want to insult your intelligence, Tosh, so I’ll start with the truth. What happened last night – I want that, I want ta be that person in your life, and for you ta be that person in mine.

“But I know that you’re not in the headspace for getting what ye may want with something like this. If you want to pretend that last night never happened, and go back ta whatever dynamic we had before, that’s fine by me. If you want ta act on it, then just let me know.

“I just want ye to know that it’s your decision, and I’ll respect whatever you want ta do, because I am your friend, above everything else, okay?”

Tosh met his eyes with her own, no tears in them this time, but still a pain that Jimmy could never understand without having her experiences. They held their stare for moments more, silence reigning, until Tosh spoke.

“Okay,” she said.

“Goodnight, Tosh. Don’t stay here all night,” Jimmy said, pulling his coat tightly around himself and walking out the door.

*******

Jimmy looked at the clock in the corner of his laptop screen. 10:49 p.m. it read. Despite the late time, neither he nor Cassie had made any move to go to sleep. He was watching over some CCTV footage relating to a minor incident reported at the station, and Cassie was doing something on her phone. Jimmy had no idea what.

The sound of door-knocking filled the silence of the Perez household. Jimmy turned his head slightly to see Cassie still lounging on the couch.

“Could ye get that, Cass?” he said.

“It’ll just be for you,” Cassie said with an annoyed huff, getting up anyway.

Jimmy listened as Cassie opened the door. He could hear the muffled sounds of conversation, but he couldn’t make out anything they were saying.

“Dad! It’s Tosh, she wants to speak with you!” Cassie called.

Jimmy’s heart rate picked up dramatically. He pushed out of his seat, trying to calm himself, lest he unsettle Tosh. He reached the front door promptly, and there was Tosh, standing in faint light shining from his home, cheeks flushed red with the chill of the air, brown hair messy around her face. His own breath caught slightly as he looked at her.

Cassie glanced between the two with an all-too-knowing look and winked at Jimmy.

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Cassie said as she walked away, heading for the stairs to her room.

“Yeah, thanks, Cass,” Jimmy said wryly, before turning his attention back to Tosh. “You’re on my doorstep again.”

Tosh laughed at that, a soft laugh that warmed Jimmy’s pounding heart.

“Yes, I am,” she said, expression turning serious again, “because I thought about what you said to me today.”

“And?” Jimmy asked, stopping his heart from leaping into his throat and forcing out all the unsaid things that lay between them.

“I don’t want to go back t’ the way things were before. I want – well, I think I can demonstrate this part,” Tosh said, stepping forward, moving only centimetres away from Jimmy.

Realising what she was getting at, Jimmy leant his head down as she lifted hers up, and their lips met in a kiss. It somehow had more meaning, more passion than the one they had shared last night. All the unsaid things between them stayed unsaid, yet were understood, transferred even, through the connection of their lips. Tosh’s arms wrapped around the back of Jimmy’s neck, pulling him closer to her, and he let his own hands hold her back, supporting her as she angled backwards.

The kiss lasted for a few more moments before they broke apart, the both of them almost breathless.

“Are ye sorry about that one?” Jimmy asked, a dumb grin plastered on his face.

“Not a chance,” Tosh replied, pulling him down for another kiss.

As they stood on Jimmy’s doorstep, in each other’s arms, Jimmy’s lips on Tosh’s, Jimmy felt the hole he had carried for so many years fill. He was not arrogant enough to think that a few kisses would fix all the problems they faced, but at least the world felt right again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my favourite ships, which of course means that there are almost no fics for it. If you enjoyed this, you should also check out a-tardis-at-downton on tumblr, who writes fantastic Jimmy x Tosh fics that I have drawn great inspiration from.


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